Patterson from Myles Hughes on Vimeo.
The feedback for Lack of Imagination was incredibly helpful and informative, so if you like what you see here (or even if you don't), please make your opinion known and tell me what you think in the comments. Cheers!September 21, 2009
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I liked it, though it was a bit gruesome with the "blood" and all. I have some constructive criticisms, but keep in mind I'm not a filmmaker... yet. :)
ReplyDeleteThe actors need to know their lines; sometimes it appears that they're searching for words. Also, facial expressions need to be kept in check; the first scene with the dying scream has multiple shots of Patterson in anguish. One long shot can be more effective (just my taste). Patterson's angry face is a bit too melodramatic(lack of a better word). I assume you're going for a foreboding effect. A small twitch of the eye or tapping of the fingers call suffice, making the gruesome deaths even more jarring.
In terms of the script, given the length of your film, it was a bit "wordy." At the portion where Patterson's girlfriend screams "I want you to get out of here," simply a shrill "get out" will do; the tension will come through better.
Sometimes dialogue needs to be quicker, more realistic. Sentences do not need to be constructed. Things like "Well...etc" can be eliminated as much as possible. Ideas need to flow.
Scenes with Patterson driving from point A to B can be shortened. He was at point A. Cut with him exiting/outside car at point B.
To summarize; shorter dialogue and scenes with meaningful action can be better than merely dialogue establishing the premise.
Gosh, this is a very long comment. I enjoyed watching your film (seriously!) and hope you make more in the future!
(I'm trying to churn out some screenplays myself, hence the rambling.)
One more thing... I volunteer at the hospital and doctors never wear bloody gloves outside when talking with family... hehe :)